Good.

So I started this blog a long while back. Honestly, a whole lot has happened since then.
But I am going to restart it.

What's been going on with us? Well we moved, had a baby, lost some loved ones, switched up schooling for some of the kids, Went through an ebb and flow of depression and low moments. Got pregnant again and said goodbye to our baby boy at 21 weeks. That was 3 weeks ago today.

Loss has a way of seperating true priorities from the rabble. There are so many things that easily take importance in our lives. They don't do it overnight. Most things just slowly rise up that list and before we realize it it's become a focal point.  Losing our River seems to have torn apart my priority list. These days my goals are simple: survive and don't damage my kids in the process. That sounds terrible doesn't it? But that is exactly what I am doing. But even those two things have fallen down a notch. Glorifying God, honoring Him with my words and thoughts and feelings? That wasn't even in the top 5. That makes me ashamed. But it wasn't. Mothering, being a decent (I didn't even hope for great) wife, being a good friend, Being someone people counted on and trusted and being liked. Those were all there. Really high up there honestly. and they shouldn't have been.

But when you receive news that makes you lose feeling and become numb, and your Savior reaches in and pulls you out, you listen. I've had moments like this before. The first time was my brother. That numbness wasn't a time of deliverance and belief. It was a time of loss. Loss of my family, my brother, a way of life I had been attached too. I grew, but not as fast or as strong as I could have. The second loss was the first part of our marriage. The naive "he will never leave me" part. I was so comfortable in my life and how things were that I didn't work. I didn't put the effort in that was required and I had the wrong motives. again. But this time, God reached in and knocked the sense out of both of us. Hallelujah. But that situation put me face to face with alot of "what ifs" that I had never faced before. What if I had to do this alone? What if I lost the love of the person I love? What if this marriage/life falls away? What if I am nothing? What if.

and it was so clear. I would be ok. What if I lost my husband? What if I lost my children? What if I lost my physical body? What if, what if, what if?

I would be ok. He would made me ok because He promised. He has already made me ok.
This pain and uncertainty. Switching gears, facing deep fears and longings. Losing what we hold so close and dear. It's mind numbing and scary. It's emotional and overwhelming. I never knew before what it felt like to have "pain wash over me". I do now. True mental, physical and emotional anguish.  God did that on purpose for me. He sent His son. His only child, His beloved heir. To die so I could share in that legacy.

and when that realization and reminder sink in, this feels so temporary. This sting, will be ended in joy. This pain, will be released. There is an end. and the end is good. It's joyful and good and He promised. The same Savior who chose to give up His most precious posession for me, He promised. and He holds my child in His arms and comforts Him like I would never have been able too. and it is good. So good.

Does that take away the hurt, the pain, the sting? Heck no. I am not nearly done shedding tears or doubling over with emotion. I won't be, God willing, forever. Because that intense love serves as a reminder of what I have been given, the blessing of being a mother and child of God and that this is just temporary.  Someday I'll hold my sweet boy and swing him around. and it will be good.

Crafty

With a new baby coming, there is no end to the crafting. For me, that usually translates to knitting, but this week Ruby helped me pick out a few fabrics and supplies to make some useful baby things. On our plate we have 1 wetbag (waterproof bag for cloth diapers), 2 bassinet sheets, and a few burpcloths. This morning we got them cut out. Hopefully tonight I will sew, if not later this week. Tomorrow is our 36wk midwife appointment so we're heading to Kansas City :)

And then we sorted through the newborn clothes and set to washing, organizing, lanolizing woolies, and squishing tiny baby things. 

I realized I have a bit of a wooly obsession with knitting little hats. There are a few in there that have been knitted by friends and family :)

More adventures

Well, I took a break.
Our family had a rough winter, but we weathered it. Then on to a topsy-turvy spring. Now we're heading into summer. Summer will bring a new baby to us, such excitement.

During our break, we've been busy. We now live in Missouri. We've been here 3 weeks now. Missing our friends and life terribley. As many times as I have started over, it really never gets easier. I know the drill better each time, but the speed bumps are still there. Helping the kids maneuver their own parts of this journey have really been surprisingly smooth. I have such amazing kids. They are resilient, loving, and have bounced right along with us.

Leaving friends, familiar places and the city I wanted to grow kids in has been alot. Alot of emotions, thoughts, and words come up, but none really seem to nail how I feel.
We are thankful for a soft place to land and know God has a plan for our family here. But pulling up roots always sets a tree back a bit in it's growing. But strength lies in desire to survive and we have that.

Mama, the night owl.

Formerly a "morning person", 

I have become quite a night owl since the kids came home.

Poor Joe, we swapped places, with his work schedule he is at work before sunrise and to bed early. 

But the quiet always lures me in.

Yesterday was an adventure. 

The kids and I drove to Downer's Grove to meet up with some of our Ohio family. 

We ate some yummy pizza and then headed to a park to play!

We had so much fun!

 We had a great time! And I had to share, I found this is Averie's notebook this morning. Love it!

1 week down!

Well, we'll call today a wash.

The kids had a great time at their Kitchen Chemistry class. They learned all

about making ice cream and a few other things I am sadly, too tired to recall. 

What can I say, this mama is tired. 

Our littlest is teething and yet another life schedule change has caught up with me.

The past 6 months have felt so unsettled, shifting. 

The next few weeks look to be transitional. 

Well, we survived our first week.

Next week, we are studying leaves and trees. From life cycles, to celebritrees, classifying etc. 

I have some fun stuff up my sleeve! 

But tomorrow while daddy works, the kids and I are headed to Chicago to meet my aunt and her family for the day. I could use a dose of family.

Every story has a beginning.

Isn't life funny?

Once a young girl told her mom she "hated homeschool".

She begged her mom and dad to send her off to school.

She dreamed of backpacks, whispered conversations over lunch, homework and all the 

other aspects of "normal" that her homelife didn't offer. 

That girl vowed to not "repeat" that experience, you know, someday when she had kids of her own.

So, off to school her parents finally obliged. 

Hi, let me introduce myself. I am a former young "homeschool hater" who has now found herself

in the thick of excitedly homeschooling my 5 kids. 

 Yeah, that angsty girl is now a mama. 

Hi, I'm Sara, I'm married to a guy I adore named Joe. 

We have 5 crazy, beautiful and hillarious kids. 

Gabryel is 8.5 and in 3rd grade, Averie is 7 and in 2nd grade, Judah is almost 6 and in kindergarten, Ruby is 4 and Olive is 18 months old. 

They drive me bonkers, bring me to tears and have taught me more about myself than I thought possible.

After a journey which took us from church preschool to private Christian preschool to public school, then public at-home charter to now........(drumroll) we are homefree ( I mean homeschooling).

So, that is where we are. 

I have had a blog since before becoming a mama and through it made some dear friends. I wanted a place to chronicle what we are doing, ideas, art projects etc.

At this stage in our journey we are doing alot of topic learning. Reading aloud, exploring nature etc.

We are so truly blessed with being able to live a measley block away from another homeschooling family and we know many more. This has opened up alot of possibilities for us and we live in a homeschool friendly area. 

This is our first week of being out of the at-home charter and so mama is gathering her resources. 

Tuesday- Park day, we gathered leaves, explored squirrel habitats, observed squirrel food, a squirrel pelt (SP?) real glad Joe was there to take that on, and also did some leaf collecting for next week's project! Plus while we were there it was only right that we played on the park equipment, it looked so lonely.

Wednesday- we headed to another park a bit father out of town to meet some friends. We had a glorious day of running around like crazy, gathering more leaves, pine cones, pine needles, and playing with friends. then the kids headed off to their Kids Klub at church in the evening.

Thursday- Brought errands in the morning, a practical money lesson at the store, then to our friend's house to do a fun fall art project, here are some photos!

(the sitting person is my little artist Averie's work:) 

Huge thanks to our friends for having us over for such a fun day! 

The craft was inspired by Pom Lovely Trees

So now you are up to speed. Tomorrow the older 2 are enrolled in a "Kitchen Chemistry" class at the Paper Discovery Center with a friend and I am excited for them, it looks to be really fun!

I apologize for the seemingly mundane details, we've been able to make a fairly smooth transition and for that we are so thankful! The kids are loving their new "schedule" and the free time especially. We are still using some handwriting/math materials to follow along with as well! 

Stay Tuned!